MAN I THINK I'M LOSING DETAILS EVERY TIME I RETELL THIS
ok ok. Yamamoto's mom:
Is a SUPER HOT ASSASSIN BABE that married his dad while he was still active in the assassin business. She is toppy and rapisty and her and Yamapapa took turns being rapists, but she's always been the CAREER FIRST!! one. They were both 100% behind having a baby, as they are both stupid parents. There was a CATCH, though! They completely disagreed on how to raise the kid. Yamapapa decided it would be better to raise him like a normal kid so he could have a NORMAL CHILDHOOD, and Yamamama knew FROM THE BEGINNING that her son would be THE BEST ASSASSIN EVER AND WOULD BE HOLDING A WEAPON BEFORE HE HELD A BOTTLE.
There was a fight over this!! AN EPIC FIGHT OF RAPE PROPORTIONS Because the Yamamotos don't hold back ever, from their loud retarded love for each other to their assassin techniques. IT'S A DRAW, and she has to LEAVE to go on a huge, huuuge mission. She tells Yamapapa that when she comes back, she expects her son to be A FULL-FLEDGED ASSASSIN :| and away she goes.
When she comes back and sees Yamamoto is a ~~Vongola Guardian~~ and has ~inherited the Shigure Souen~ she's going to be SO HAPPY and HUG HIM ALL OVER and CLEARLY BE A STUPIDMOM, but then she'll figure out Yamamoto's an idiot who thinks it's a game and she'll SOB TRAGICALLY and then go beat the shit out of Yamapapa for turning her baby into an idiot. BUT IT'LL BE OK, SHE WILL BE SUPER DETERMINED TO TEACH TAKESHI EVERYTHING AND MAKE HIM THE DEADLIEST EVER!! And whenever anyone goes over to the Yamamoto residence during dinner, every pass will be a THROW OF DEATH, with the family all smiles :D And if Yama's parents are fighting it'll be AN EPIC HORRIBLE BATTLE IN THE BACKGROUND and he'll just go "Ha ha it's getting a little heated in there."
~~MUSTANG'S FIRST TIME~~ Is pretty much the only thing that I've changed since learning he was raised in a whorehouse. Previously I had decided he got seduced by a SEXY TEACHER when he was 14, it was all very shady but suitably epic. THIS HAS STILL HAPPENED. But, it wasn't his first time.
OK! Since he was raised in a whorehouse, that means he was either taken in by the owner (if this is true then my guess is he was 3, 4 or so) or he was an illegitimate kid of one of the working girls. Either way, he wasn't on the streets and had a bed and food, so there was never any skeevy prepubescent rape or selling himself to survive. I also don't think he was ever a whore himself in profession (...though he has taken money for sex). I THINK he was put to chores to make himself useful, and was raised to be The Man Of The House. I actually think he's better at hand to hand now (or better with firearms), because when he was a teenager he was chucking jackass johns out of that place. I'm not sure where he went from living in a whorehouse in Central to being in the country with Hawkeye as an alchemy master, but he was probably arounnnd Ed's age, maybe a little older, and self-taught til then.
I'm pretty sure he was like, eleven or twelve, and one of his "older sisters" caught him jerking off and thought it was adorable and molested him. So he would be prepared! He was growing up very handsome after all and the girls would be all over him and what kind of hooker big sisters would they be if they let him go into that world unprepared. So... basically as soon as he hit puberty, a gorgeous hooker raped him. IT WAS A WHOLE NEW WORLD.
NO I DON'T THINK HE DID because it took the war for him to get the experience to control the size and shape of the explosions and the depth of burns. If he used his alchemy on a dude BEFORE that it would be Extremely Messy.
Also Hawkeye would. Stab him in the face.
I'm sure he used other amaaazing alchemy though. The doorframes probably all have parts of old arrays chalked here and there.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Also Mustang's first time now that you've learned his SECRET PAST.
no subject
ok ok. Yamamoto's mom:
Is a SUPER HOT ASSASSIN BABE that married his dad while he was still active in the assassin business. She is toppy and rapisty and her and Yamapapa took turns being rapists, but she's always been the CAREER FIRST!! one. They were both 100% behind having a baby, as they are both stupid parents. There was a CATCH, though! They completely disagreed on how to raise the kid. Yamapapa decided it would be better to raise him like a normal kid so he could have a NORMAL CHILDHOOD, and Yamamama knew FROM THE BEGINNING that her son would be THE BEST ASSASSIN EVER AND WOULD BE HOLDING A WEAPON BEFORE HE HELD A BOTTLE.
There was a fight over this!! AN EPIC FIGHT OF RAPE PROPORTIONS Because the Yamamotos don't hold back ever, from their loud retarded love for each other to their assassin techniques. IT'S A DRAW, and she has to LEAVE to go on a huge, huuuge mission. She tells Yamapapa that when she comes back, she expects her son to be A FULL-FLEDGED ASSASSIN :| and away she goes.
When she comes back and sees Yamamoto is a ~~Vongola Guardian~~ and has ~inherited the Shigure Souen~ she's going to be SO HAPPY and HUG HIM ALL OVER and CLEARLY BE A STUPIDMOM, but then she'll figure out Yamamoto's an idiot who thinks it's a game and she'll SOB TRAGICALLY and then go beat the shit out of Yamapapa for turning her baby into an idiot. BUT IT'LL BE OK, SHE WILL BE SUPER DETERMINED TO TEACH TAKESHI EVERYTHING AND MAKE HIM THE DEADLIEST EVER!! And whenever anyone goes over to the Yamamoto residence during dinner, every pass will be a THROW OF DEATH, with the family all smiles :D And if Yama's parents are fighting it'll be AN EPIC HORRIBLE BATTLE IN THE BACKGROUND and he'll just go "Ha ha it's getting a little heated in there."
THIS IS WHAT I HAVE DECIDED IS TRUTH :|
Second answerrr forthcoming
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
OK! Since he was raised in a whorehouse, that means he was either taken in by the owner (if this is true then my guess is he was 3, 4 or so) or he was an illegitimate kid of one of the working girls. Either way, he wasn't on the streets and had a bed and food, so there was never any skeevy prepubescent rape or selling himself to survive. I also don't think he was ever a whore himself in profession (...though he has taken money for sex). I THINK he was put to chores to make himself useful, and was raised to be The Man Of The House. I actually think he's better at hand to hand now (or better with firearms), because when he was a teenager he was chucking jackass johns out of that place. I'm not sure where he went from living in a whorehouse in Central to being in the country with Hawkeye as an alchemy master, but he was probably arounnnd Ed's age, maybe a little older, and self-taught til then.
I'm pretty sure he was like, eleven or twelve, and one of his "older sisters" caught him jerking off and thought it was adorable and molested him. So he would be prepared! He was growing up very handsome after all and the girls would be all over him and what kind of hooker big sisters would they be if they let him go into that world unprepared. So... basically as soon as he hit puberty, a gorgeous hooker raped him. IT WAS A WHOLE NEW WORLD.
no subject
no subject
Also Hawkeye would. Stab him in the face.
I'm sure he used other amaaazing alchemy though. The doorframes probably all have parts of old arrays chalked here and there.